im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
