did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
