dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize