I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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