Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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