i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
