I think my vagina is haunted
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
