In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
