She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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