just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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