You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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