The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
