Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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