I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
