i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
