the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize