So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
