you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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