It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
