There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
