dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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