I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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