I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
