god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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