When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
