fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
