I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize