I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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