next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
