I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
