Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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