a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize