It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
