isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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