Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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