forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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