Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
