I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
