Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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