once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize