A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's always time for handjobs
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
