Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
