fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
