She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
