This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am naked and annoyed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
