Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
