Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
