fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
last night I used snow as a chaser
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize