You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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