just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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