You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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