Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
