i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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