my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
