dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
