Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
