My underwear smells like fireworks.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
