Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
ttyl tear gas
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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