And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This baby is an asshole
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
