i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
