I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's the barista slut.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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