the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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