I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
