That's intense
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
