This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
